


I Love You Seoul (I Hate You Seoul)

by Essentially_Me



Category: Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexuality, BlackPink members make some cameos, Child Abuse, Coming Out, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kind of not really?, M/M, Rating May Change, References to Addiction, References to Depression, Self-Reflection, Traditional Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gay relationship, im probably missing a ton of tags, yoongi is soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-23 19:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16624745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essentially_Me/pseuds/Essentially_Me
Summary: Was that what Yoongi was trying to do? Reach for light in times of discord? He wasn’t sure, but with a heavy heart, the man turned on his left turn signal and exited left.Away from Seoul.Away from Namjoon.Away from the old Min Yoongi.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Trying my hand at writing fan fiction again. Whew, it’s been a while. I hope you all enjoy! This is an ongoing work, so characters, tags, and the rating of the story in general are subject to change. Let me know if you have any feedback or if there are mistakes (I’m only human after all). This is only the first chapter, so please bare with me - updates will be coming soon!

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   Yoongi’s eyes shifted left and right as he drove through Seoul. The streets were cluttered with cars, rain steadily pouring outside as people began to scamper about to escape the storm. Truthfully, it was a beautiful sight this night - lights glistened and twinkled with precipitation and lightening flashing every so often from the sky. Horrifying beautiful is probably more appropriate to describe it.

 

     The young man’s eyes flashed down to his phone, the GPS screaming at him to take the next right to get to downtown. Seoul held a lot of memories, from his struggling days of being a delivery boy to his daily fights with his parents over his career choices. The city was much more than a destination; Seoul was a piece of Yoongi’s past, future, and present. It always would be in some way he had reasoned.

 

     No matter what road he decided to take in life, he’d most definitely find his way back here time after time. But his heart aches for change. It longed for adventure and purpose and life again. He didn’t feel alive, but rather he felt like he was only going through the motions day-in and day-out. Namjoon had taught him long ago to value life and what you have been gifted, even if it seemed like you had been dealt a cursed fate from the moment your soul had been birthed in your flesh. However, you should always continue to reach for light in times of darkness.

 

     Was that what Yoongi was trying to do? Reach for light in times of discord? He wasn’t sure, but with a heavy heart, the man turned on his left turn signal and exited left.

  
Away from Seoul.

Away from Namjoon.

Away from the old Min Yoongi.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!~ Make sure you leave kudos and feedback! It would be appreciated!


	2. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s an update! It’s currently 2:21 AM but I can’t sleep to save my life, sooooo here’s an update for everyone who’s been waiting. I would classify this story as a slow burn, and right now I’m just establishing conflict and characters in the story itself. Hopefully it’s been fairly easy to follow thus far. Please leave comments and let me know what you think! Thank you so much for reading! (Also, quick note: I wasn’t sure how big the age gap between Yoongi and his brother is in real life, but in this story I’m making it around six years - it’s just a number that I felt would be decent to work with. I didn’t want it to be too close or too far apart, so I think this was a gold in-between!)

 

All things considered, Yoongi’s life had been pretty normal as he grew up in Daegu. His parents, who tried to be as supportive as they could toward their son, kept tabs on his studies and made sure he was doing well. As a teenager, Yoongi had never truly minded that his family was so invested in his academic success. Of course he appreciated all the worry and care that they placed when regarding his education. It wasn’t until his brother flew the coop that things slightly - well - changed.

Yoongi’s brother, Junki, was rather pleasant. The two had grown up always sharing a strong relationship as the years progressed. Each had their own sets of interests, but regardless the brother’s got along and no fights were usually started without good reason. Junki was a home body and never mentioned much about leaving home. The family suspected it one day, possibly when Junki found a girl and decided to settle down, he would end up moving. That’s when it came as a shock to the small family the day that Junki, at the age of 22, announced that he was leaving for America.

Yoongi remembered the look on his father’s face, anger, disgust, and despair seeming to overcome his features all at once. A heated argument had been exchanged between Junki and Mr. Min, voices carrying throughout the small family home as their volumes. Apparently, a new life had been calling for Yoongi’s brother that he just couldn’t connect with here in Korea. Yoongi looks back and recalls the glassy eyes of Junki, how he appeared so lost and unsure of himself as he tried to defend his decision. His soul had seemingly been damaged and the younger of the two siblings hadn’t noticed.

At the time, Yoongi was only 16.

He understood to a degree why Junki had decided to leave, but at the same time the younger teen was confused. His brother had all he could ever as for here in Daegu - a loving family, job availability, a life of comfort and security - so what was so important to risk it all for? Cornering Junki before he left, Yoongi spouted off this very question in a hurried slur of rapid Korean. Junki’s response?

“Yoon, I don’t expect you or anyone else to understand. All of what you’re saying is true, I can’t argue with you on that, but that’s all I have. Passion. Purpose. A dream. I have none of that here in Daegu and I want to be more than what the standard tells me I should be. It’ll be tough on us I know, but it’s something I want to try. I don’t want to just “get by” or go through the motions just like everyone else; I want to be me and do what I’ve decided for myself, not what someone has decided for me before I was born. I.... I suggest you think the same way, Yoongi. I’ll call you from time to time. Anytime you want to visit, I’ll send you my address. Finish school, go to college, do something with your life, then come and find me. Deal?”

A few tense moments passed and hung heavy in the air. What exactly was Junki talking about? What was wrong? Yoongi didn’t know, and while he was upset, he knew better than to continue to fight with his hyung about his decisions. With a sick feeling settling deep in his stomach, the younger male in the room extended his pinky towards the elder and nodded his head.

“Deal.”

 

 

After that fateful, Junki disappeared from Min Yoongi’s life, only leaving a few old t-shirts and a single red baseball cap in his wake. His pictures no longer hung around the house; he wasn’t mentioned to extended family; no one even dared to mutter his name; it was like Junki had never existed. Yoongi’s parents never asked Yoongi about his brother’s whereabouts - they knew of his and Junki’s occasional conversations, but no inquiries were ever brought forth to discuss. The sudden event also sparked more problems within the smaller family as the years progressed more and more.

His last year of education before university, Yoongi was pulled aside by his music teacher and given a shiny book that had the words “SEOUL UNIVERSITY” written in gold font along the front. Jung Kisung was the man’s name, his kind smile appearing genuine as he approached his student with enthusiasm. Apparently, Yoongi had passed his Music course with flying colors, making him eligible for an extensive study at Seoul University for Musical Composition. The news came was a shock to the teenager as he clutched the booklet close to his chest.

“I know your parents won’t be as... excited, as you are, but I really want you to consider this opportunity Yoongi,” Mr. Jung pleaded. “The pieces that you made for your project were, quite apparently, incredible. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve downloaded some of your songs on this flash drive as your portfolio for your application. The decision is your’s, but I’d love to start helping you as soon as possible. Take your time - it’s a very important choice you’re about to make - but I’ll need your answer in a few weeks so I have time to help you upload materials and wrote your letters of recommendation. Sorry, is this all a bit overwhelming?”

The whole time Mr. Jung had been talking, Yoongi had been staring at the papers in his arms in wonder. Him? Min Yoongi? Going to Seoul University? This man had to be pulling his leg or something. But everything appeared official and Yoongi had felt pretty good about his final project. It was some of the best work he had completed ever in his life, so this had to be legit in some degree.

“Um, it’s a lot to take in, uh, Mr. Jung. I’d... I’d have to think about it for a while. Maybe talk with my, huh, parents, first.”

“Most definitely! Take your time. But please, reach out to me if you have any questions! I look forward to hearing back from you soon, Mr. Min. You’re truly talented - you deserve this opportunity.”

 

 

Two weeks later, clutching a flash drive tightly in his pale fists, a Yoongi stood outside Mr. Jung’s room in a panic. His parents had quickly ripped Yoongi’s dream out of his hands as soon as he had arrived home with it that day. Seoul was nothing but trouble, they had griped. Seoul wasn’t meant for Daegu folk, especially for something as “meaningless as music.” They had decided Yoongi’s future for him, leaving him with only what he should be and nothing else.

Was this how Junki had felt so long ago? Lost, alone, and scared? Confused and hurt? Unwanted? With a shaking hand, the young man raised his closed fist and rapped softly on the door. Taking less than a few seconds to answer the knocking, Mr. Jung appeared in Yoongi’s line of vision.

“Yoongi! It’s nice to see you. Well, have you decided?”

 

“I literally had to pull my dream out of a trash can - I would think that I was ready enough for this by now. Now, how does all this portfolio shit work exactly?”

 

 


	3. Seoul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrated! This chapter is mainly just Yoongi’s thoughts. Not much is really talked about - sorry. However, Jin will soon be making an appearance! Along with a few other characters later on. Sorry that this story is so slow burning - if the chapter lengths are too short, please let me know! I’m debating on if I want to have fewer longer chapters or more shortened chapters; let me know which you prefer. Well, let’s get on with the story!

 

 

After working with Mr. Jung for nearly three hours a day for the past two weeks, the application for Seoul University was successfully sent. Anxiety bubbled under the young man’s skin for the duration of that time period; even now, standing at the bus stop with shaking hands, Yoongi’s mind was running rampant. The cold outside that cut through his thin sweater helped to ground him, keeping from his thoughts decently well. Even with the mild distraction, thoughts swarmed his brain and made it hard to pay attention to his surroundings.

 

Yoongi had not even thought of telling his parents about applying for Seoul University. Each and every day when he would return home from school, his mother’s smile would great him and he just couldn’t imagine disappointing her. The Min’s were a family that specialized in business - Yoongi’s father owned a couple smaller companies and his father’s father owned property all over the country. As the son of of a Min, there was a lot to be expected from Yoongi, especially now that Junki was no longer in the picture. If word that Yoongi had applied to Seoul University as a Music Composition student of all things, his mother and father would definitely take that well. Perhaps if he had applied as an entrepreneur or business major they would’ve understood - that provided a stable career in Daegu. However, that wasn’t the case.

 

Mr. Jung had cornered Yoongi earlier that day with a bright smile on his face with his eyes shining bright. His overall mood was “happy” all the time, but at that moment he looked ecstatic.

 

“Yoongi! I was just looking for you. I just received an email from the admissions office at Seoul University - acceptance letters were sent out extremely early this year. Please be on the look out for yours!” His words were meant to encourage, but in reality they only made Yoongi even more anxious compared to when he first applied. He hadn’t given much thought to getting his letter from the university in the mail. What if his parents found it before him? Would they confront them? Tear up the letter, no matter what it says? Disown him like they had Junki? Many scenarios were possible, though the young man was trying to stay calm and level headed in a time such as this. After all, his entire future relied on that one piece of paper that would soon be finding its way to him.

 

Truthfully, Yoongi wanted to be accepted to the university so much that it pained him. Himself and Mr. Jung had spent so much time and effort into building his portfolio for admission that the thought of being rejected caused ice to settle in the music student’s bones. He longed to prove everyone wrong, such as his parents who thought his love for music was a waste of time, all of his past teachers and peers who believed Yoongi to be worthless, and even Junki, who abandoned Yoongi to fend for himself. Yoongi’s passion never died, and he was determined to show everyone just how strong it was.

 

If only life were that simple.

Yoongi was roughly drawn from his thoughts as his bus rounded the street corner, stopping and allowing himself and other passerby aboard. Yoongi had decided to visit a couple friends in Seoul over the weekend, mostly to catch up and get in-touch with them again, but at the same time he was also interested in looking around Seoul University’s campus.Right now he was on the outskirts of the large city, getting ready to travel to Kim Seokjin’s apartment.

 

Seokjin - or Jin as he prefers to be called - has been Yoongi’s friend since the beginning of secondary school. The elder had always been such a nice hyung, and while Yoongi isn’t much for friendships, Jin had been such a constant in his life. When Junki left, he would call up every night to check on him (now it’s been reduced to every other night). Yoongi hadn’t thought about mentioning his university application, only because Jin would probably get really excited and cause the younger to have hope too. A lot was riding on this opportunity, and Yoongi was scared to put too much faith in his portfolio at this point.

 

Yoongi had always been a strong academic student, but as far as clubs and other extracurriculars, music was all that he poured his time into. Basketball was the only sport that had really peaked his interest, but after his discovery of music, even that activity lost its enjoyment. So how would his application really look to admissions officers? There have to be at least 1,500 people who were far more qualified compared to one Min Yoongi. Even with all this on his mind, the young man pulled his bag closer to his body, tugged at his black beanie atop his head, and boarded the bus to Seoul.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments and kudos!


	4. Author’s Note

Hello all my readers! Sadly, this is **NOT** a new chapter, but rather I wanted to type this up and just clarify a few things before the story progresses.

>  

  * The rating of the story will more than likely be getting bumped up to “Mature.” The reason being is because there is going to be violence in some of the coming chapters, and since I’d rather be safe than sorry, I wanted to go ahead and let everyone know. I will not be tagging violence through archive warnings simply because violence is not and will not be used frequently. 
  * Second, I’d like to go ahead and say that the next chapter may be a bit rough for some people to handle. Child abuse will be a major theme that is developed, and I’m letting everyone know that I will be changing one of the tags to “Child Abuse” that way no one is offended and/or hurt. If you are sensitive to this topic, please read at your own risk. 
  * I would also like to mention that the romance aspect of the story will take a while to progress and really become noticeable. Everything, from character development to introducing new characters, will take a while to write just because I’d like to be thorough and take my time. A lot of relationships will remain ambiguous or undefined for the most part, so if you “ship” a certain couple, just note that this story will primarily serve to tell Namjoon and Yoongi’s story. After I get far enough into writing this work or finish it all together, there will probably be series adaptations that will arise. Comment who your favorite couple is and I might just have them be together! However, this story will remain a Namgi-centric work. #sorrynotsorry



 

That’s all I have for right now, but please stay tuned! New chapters are coming soon!


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